Where did it all go wrong?

30 Jun

Halfway through the year and it is with some trepidation that I look back at my New Year’s resolutions. Healthy eating, pelvic floors, being nice. Nothing extraordinary but, needless to say, none have been kept. I can’t play the “I’ve just had a baby” card to explain my failure (although I do use that card liberally as Mr C&P will confirm). The problem lies in some fundamentally wrong, deep-set beliefs. What follows are the main culprits.

1. It’s the thought that counts

Otherwise known as ‘all trousers and no action’. The simple act of ordering a copy of the 30 Day Shred has made me feel five pounds lighter (and not just my paypal account – boom boom). The longer it takes to arrive in the post, the fitter I feel just through the sheer intention. As it traverses our postal system, I’ll carry on eating junk and wearing maternity jeans because I know that when the DVD drops on my doormat I’ll become a better person simply by opening the jiffy bag. There is no doubt that the good intention is there – unfortunately the action and effort aren’t. Let’s see if the shrinkwrap is still on the DVD in 30 days’ time.

2. Exercise earns credits

Even if I do get ‘shredding’ for 30 days I will still fail. This is because exercising gives permission to eat like a pig. An hour of pilates in the morning permits me to bake chocolate chip cookies in the afternoon. A walk into town is a green card for cake. This is my idea of a healthy balance. Unfortunately, the scales are always tipping the wrong way.

3. Homemade is healthy

Since being on my second stint of maternity leave I’ve attempted to become a domestic goddess. I have Nigella’s curves (although not so beautifully drawn) so that’s a start. In pursuit of this goal I’ve dusted the crumbs off Leiths Baking Bible and have started creaming and folding. It’s something that gives me great satisfaction. Okay, who am I kidding? It makes me feel very smug. Baking bread makes me feel particularly smug. It’s the middle class mamma in me. I’ll be knitting jumpers for charity made of hair lodged in the bathroom plughole before you can say “primary school catchment area”.

Homemade cakes, biscuits and desserts are of course far healthier than their shop-bought brothers and sisters. This means that they can be eaten without fear, shame or any nod to appropriate quantity. What’s more, because they are lacking in preservatives they must be eaten very quickly.

Finally, and worst of all …

4. There’s always tomorrow

My ultimate downfall is the belief that there is always tomorrow. Along with a long list of other things, I’ve been saying for the last year that I must go to bed earlier, yet still I sit up faffing around on the internet until I start to cry about how tired I am. Another classic: I’ll start doing my pelvic floor exercises tomorrow. If I’d started doing them when I said I would I’d be selling out the O2 with my ping pong ball act by now.

It’s very easy to put things off until tomorrow. However, it’s even easier to boot yourself up the behind when several months of inaction have gone by – especially when you’re still in maternity jeans (you just don’t get the same leverage in skinnies).

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3 Responses to “Where did it all go wrong?”

  1. Muddling Along July 4, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

    I hadn’t realised the home made cakes point – making a note of that one for future reference!

  2. Ren Behan - Fabulicious Food July 6, 2011 at 10:35 am #

    My 30 Day Shred arrives tomorrow. I’m with you on this one. I think half way through the year is a very good time to start those resolutions. We’re all settled in now aren’t we?!

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  1. The Carnival is live – come over & have a read « Muddling Along Mummy - July 5, 2011

    […] Crumbs and Pegs is looking back at her New Year resolutions and wondering where it all went wrong. […]

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