My little big boy

28 Mar

Dear W,

Here is the view across the park I had this morning whilst I waited for you to finish your first hour at nursery by yourself. It’s the same view I had two and a half years ago as I waited for your sister to do the same. Same bench, same weather, same coffee (well, obviously not exactly the same coffee but you know …), same inane conversation from the dog walkers on the next table. And did I feel the same as when I waited for my first born to spend her first hour untied from the apron strings? Yes and no. Yes, in that I’ve never left you ‘by yourself’ for so long and it punched me in the heart to think of you realising that I wasn’t there. No, in that I knew you were being well looked after – when your sister started the nursery was an unknown quantity. Ultimately, I knew that if you cried they could show you a vacuum cleaner and you’d be alright. (But your penchant for vacuum cleaners must stop when you reach adulthood, young man.)

These coming few weeks will be big ones for your Mummy and you must excuse me if I blub over you a few times. You’re starting nursery, your first birthday is coming up, your boobie ration is being withdrawn and I’m going back to work. Big emotional stuff for me so don’t you go all teary on me when I leave you at nursery – I’ll be doing enough of that for both of us. Stiff upper lip and all that.

I’ve had a super year with you. Admittedly, I can remember very little of it but don’t take that personally. I blame a lethal mix of hormones, juggling you and your sister and not enough sleep. I hope you’ve had fun. If I’ve been ratty, cursed you when you’ve woken in the night AGAIN, not talked to you enough, not done enough cutting and sticking with you or ever missed an opportunity to give you a cuddle then I apologise. If I have done anything wrong then it’s not stopped you from growing into a super son. (Thank god your Daddy is the perfect counterbalance to my jingling nerves.)

Go get ’em my little big boy. There are crayons to be eaten and peas to stuff up other children’s noses.

With lots of love.

5 Responses to “My little big boy”

  1. Clare Rudd March 28, 2012 at 12:02 pm #

    aww a beautiful post Helen, had me in tears! It is such a wrench leaving them for the first time isn’t it and watching those little milestones notch up. When I left hospital with eldest, a nurse told me ” enjoy her – they grow up so fast, within no time she will be in school” I didn’t believe her but it makes me well up inside to think about how fast the time has gone since I held my babies in my arms. I’m sure that yours will love nursery and that you will adjust to the next chapter in your life (until you have another baby :-P) Thanks for a lovely post xxx

    • Crumbs & Pegs March 28, 2012 at 8:47 pm #

      Thanks Clare. Watching them grow up makes you want to stop the relentless march of time doesn’t it? x

  2. tatia March 28, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    ah you brought a tear to my eye – I am sure he had a fab time at nursery and I am sure he loves you even when you are tired and ratty. I hope he and M get together one day as she has got a thing for mops! Together they could clean the house 🙂 xx

  3. Emily Page April 26, 2012 at 10:17 pm #

    Sniff. Took me back to my little one’s first day at nursery and taking myself off to have a coffee round the corner with a magazine – should have relished the chance really (it had been a while…!) but I felt like such a spare part and all I could think of was my son and how he was “missing” from me…? Like your daughter he’s flourished at nursery and makes us proud – I’m sure your little boy will be just fine.

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