How to flirt like a 4-year-old

1 Oct

Tonight my 4-year-old gave me a master class in how to flirt. She was good. I’ve been married for 7 years and with my husband for 18 years in total so maybe I’m just out of practice but, boy, was she good. This evening we entertained a tall, dark and handsome plumber. And one of us was wearing a nightie (hell no, not the plumber!).

She was slick. She was girlie. She giggled QUITE A LOT. There was no self-consciousness, just utter self-confidence. He was on her territory. He was Playdoh in her hands.

How did she do it? Being cute and blonde isn’t enough. Looking like butter wouldn’t melt in your mouth helps but you’ve got to have tactics. Here’s how to reduce a grown man with tattoos to talking in a silly voice:

  1. Tell him your name (first name, middle names, surname). Tell him that you’ve been to ballet. Tell him that you have a brother (don’t mention that your brother is only 18-months-old).
  2. Show what excellent marriage material you are by offering to mop the floor for him. (And in doing so reinforce outdated gender stereotypes. Shame on you, daughter of mine.)
  3. Take him on a tour of the house under the pretence of looking at radiators. Giggle when he asks why your radiator isn’t pink. Show him your Playmobil.
  4. Whilst he has both hands busy with his phone, and with no observance of personal space, gently toy with the key fob attached to his belt (whilst your mother tries to bat you away from said keys without indulging in any toying herself).

They say that dogs and children and babe magnets. If I was single I’d be hitting the town with my daughter and letting her do all the hard work. She’s not learnt all this from me so I’m led to wonder where the nelly she has acquired the skills. Have I been whinging about the much flaunted feminine wiles of the Disney princesses for all this time when in fact they’re just demonstrating what comes naturally? I’d hate this to be true – especially when it doesn’t get you any money knocked off the bill.

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29 Responses to “How to flirt like a 4-year-old”

  1. Notmyyearoff October 1, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

    Ooh she is quite the charmer. All sounds very effortless and very adorable! 🙂

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 2, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

      Thanks for the comment. Love the fact that kids try to win adults over by impressing them with toys. Guess it doesn’t change when they get older – cars, mobiles, bling, etc. 🙂

  2. simonsometimessays October 2, 2012 at 6:34 am #

    You can rule out the Disney influence: the feminine wiles of those princesses – at least when it came to getting the chores done – surely amounted to clapping joyfully a couple of times and leaving everything to woodland creatures.

    You have nothing to worry about, unless the 4yo starts suggesting that the boiler needs fixing again.

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 2, 2012 at 7:27 am #

      Disagree – Cinderella and Belle both worked jolly hard! 🙂

      Oh, plumber back on the 29th. We made a date.

      • Pauline October 2, 2012 at 10:29 am #

        She scored then!!

  3. Rhiannon October 2, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    So glad it’s not just my three-year-old twins! We’ve just had our shower room replaced so had two plumbers in the house for two weeks. The younger one was clearly terrified and blushed on an almost daily basis. Bet they couldn’t wait to finish the job and stop two pairs of hands rifling in their tool belts! Am really going to have to watch them as they get older….if they decide to work together, they could be man-eaters!

  4. anna tims (@ageingmatron) October 2, 2012 at 4:33 pm #

    Perhaps you could send her round to me when my car goes in for its service. She might win me a discount!

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 2, 2012 at 6:10 pm #

      Thanks for comment! I might try using her for getting hard to come by tickets, restaurant bookings etc!

  5. Annie_QPR (@annieqpr) October 2, 2012 at 6:17 pm #

    Hahaha they are good aren’t they, I’m afraid my daughter is into flashing her underwear on a regular basis eek, though I vaguely remember doing handstands against the wall at school for the same purpose #likemotherlikedaughter! By the way my plumber was a young Kevin Bacon lookalike, I may have to break something soon to get him back………
    Annie x

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 2, 2012 at 9:35 pm #

      Thanks for comment. Have a great photo of E and her coven of nursery girlfriends all flashing their pants. I made the mistake of telling them to keep their skirts down and of course they then did a flash in unison. 🙂

  6. hpmcq October 2, 2012 at 6:34 pm #

    Lock up your sons! Magnificent skills however Ronnie is very good at fluttering his incredibly long eyelashes so they could be an even match for one another! Thank you for re posting x

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 2, 2012 at 9:33 pm #

      Thanks for reading! And definitely agree that eyelashes are an asset ;-). x

  7. Mummy Glitzer October 2, 2012 at 7:00 pm #

    Fabulous! My 2.5 yr old son is a flirt with girls, it is fab to watch!

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 2, 2012 at 9:32 pm #

      It’s the unashamed innocence that amazing to observe!

  8. Actually Mummy October 2, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

    She will be a great line manager one day… 🙂

  9. Lakes Mum October 2, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    My daughter like that too! I was shy and retiring myself…

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 2, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

      Heh heh, me too! No idea where she gets it from.

  10. DebonaireDad October 3, 2012 at 7:24 am #

    Sounds a lot like my two year old daughter!

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 3, 2012 at 7:26 am #

      No wonder they have us wrapped around their little fingers!

  11. crystaljigsaw October 3, 2012 at 8:53 am #

    When you and your daughter go on that night out, can I come please? I’m sooo past it!!

    CJ x

  12. msmummyoftwo October 3, 2012 at 9:27 am #

    great post! she knows what she’s doing! x

    • Crumbs & Pegs October 3, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

      I wish I could say she learnt from her mother but I’ve never had the blue eyes or long eyelashes!

  13. TheMiniMesandMe October 3, 2012 at 10:18 am #

    hehe! Atleast she wont have issues with getting boyfriends when she is older – great post x

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Wanted: a thick skin « Crumbs and Pegs - October 5, 2012

    […] eventful week that my rant tank is empty. So I’ll cut a long story short. A well-intentioned post of mine has caused offence to a couple of people. When I say “a couple” I don’t mean any more […]

  2. How to break a child’s heart in one easy ballet step « Crumbs and Pegs - October 30, 2012

    […] of a day stuck in the house waiting for help to arrive. As the plumber (yes, the same plumber as in that post) got steadily more grumpy and the hours ticked by the likelihood of getting to ballet started to […]

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